The Benefits of Being Authentic
Image credit: Amy Vann from Unsplash
You might ask why I bang on about being authentic. It’s pretty simple really, because as long as you are trying to prove yourself, or people please you will continue to live your life for everyone else. You think you are making life easier but actually you are making life harder.
When you put yourselves last, you often find that you become resentful and this then flows into every other area of your life. Home life becomes a struggle because you aren’t being considered because that is the pattern that you have put in place when you people please. Work life becomes a source of stress rather than enjoyment.
The main reason that we people please is because we don’t think that we are worthy of having our needs met. The other possibility is that you have been conditioned to believe that to be of service you need to put everyone before you. Or you have watched the women in your life do this and that is all that you know.
One of the greatest fears around showing up authentically is the shifts in your relationships. Have you however considered that when you are authentically you how much easier life will be for you and for everyone else. No more guessing games, everyone knows where they stand, what is expected and be able to express themselves without fear. How much better does life sound under those conditions.
That’s right when you show up authentically you, life becomes easier.
You get to have your needs met with less resistance because you learn to ask in a way that means you get heard.
Decision making becomes easier because you no longer need other people’s approval.
You take your power back, and the influence of others is no longer strong enough to cause you to capitulate to their needs to the detriment of yours. Your ultimate aim is for a win, win and for others to realise that it is for their benefit to consider your needs as well in return.
You recognise that people pleasing helps no-one it actually sets everyone up for failure.
The challenge becomes learning who you are when you are being authentic. When you have lived a life that has put your needs last and everyone else’s first it can feel tough to know what is yours and what is theirs. The first step on your journey to greater authenticity is first asking “what do I want?”. If this feels tough to answer you know you have been putting other people’s needs before you own. This will take practice, but I believe that it is worth the effort.
Also, the reality is often there is resistance from those closest to you who have become conditioned to you putting yourself last. Teaching them that having your needs met is for their benefit as well as yours will go a long way to making this transition easier for everyone. They will learn to adapt and over time you won’t even need to think about it. Decision making will become easier for everyone. The dynamic shift isn’t about becoming dominating it’s about equality for all. The more they understand this the better it is for everyone involved. You will need to be patient and persistent and learn that returning to people pleasing ways isn’t the answer when challenges arise. Open discussion about what’s going on will result in greater shifts than resorting to old ways of being.
Remember becoming authentic is a journey of removing all the layers that have kept you conditioned to think that who you truly are is not worth the light of day. Removing the masks that you have hidden behind as a form of self-protection take time. Learning what is true for you instead of what you have been told is you by others is a process.
When stuck in the process remembering your why is so important. Your why needs to be for you not for others.
Some of your why’s might include:
To enjoy family time and not feel so resentful of not having your needs met.
For work to be a source of nourishment and enjoyment because you are doing what lights you up.
To aid decision making - to know what it is that you really want.
For calmer and more peaceful relationships.
To let go of people pleasing and honour your worth.
I believe that there are so many benefits to showing up authentically and finding your own unique expression is part of that process. The more you honour your voice and say what is true for you the easier it becomes. Your relationships will shift for the better. Your work will become a source of joy instead of obligation. The peace it brings to you will soothe an overactive nervous system to bring you the many health benefits that come with a regulated nervous system.
My final words - may the journey to showing up authentically you be filled with much joy and peace.